Last month we finally got rid of our redneck status symbol. A red early '70s era Thunderbird that had sat in our yard, in front of the chicken coop even, for the past three years. We managed to sell that thing for $300 and I was getting pretty excited. I actually thought we'd be moving up in the world. I am starting law school in a few short weeks and my reputation should probably be a little more refined, right?
The forces of redneck have conspired against me since then. We took our boy-child to the first high school playoff football game, because our local school actually made it. It was a fine and chilly night but on the way there, I seriously heard my son use the word "winder" to remark upon the spirit-fully decorated windows of a fan's car. Winder? On top of this, he was sporting a camouflage coat and a blaze orange knit cap. I sort of miss those days when I had to physically dress him. This is the same kid, who not too long ago walked into the kitchen and said, "mom, do you think I'm a redneck?" Hmmm, let me think about that one.
Fortunately for me, that coat needed to be replaced. The zipper was giving him fits. So, I passed up the camouflage models and picked up one of those Carhartt tan knockoffs. Mildly redneck but I thought I could get him to accept this small change in his style because his dad, of course, wears those Carhartt coats and being like dad is still totally cool. He immediately expressed his concern that his new coat would not match his old camouflage snow pants. When I assured him that tan went with camo perfectly fine, he asserted quite adamantly that "camouflage goes with camouflage!"
Not to be outdone, my husband broke his front teeth when he slipped in the snow onto a huge piece of angle iron that he was carrying. Because of the time of year, and our dentist is only open up here twice a week (I imagine demand is much higher at his other office, located in a much larger city...well, it is actually a city and that's something). So, he's managed to have two of the appointments of the who-knows-how-many it will take to get his grill repaired which leaves the status as follows: three chipped up teeth and one totally missing (the right side incisor). Totally attractive, if you're a redneck. Let me tell you, I will be ecstatic when his smile is back to 100% but he seems to be really enjoying his new look.
I can tell because he even downloaded "Dueling Banjos" as his ringtone and when his phone rings he just shines me that jacked up smile.
3 comments:
We spent the first years of our career teaching in a rural school that actually closed for two days at the start of deer season.
Often about a week before that we'd have some much hunter's orange in our class we'd have to wear shades.
Still, some of those kids stay with us even now. It's not the outside of the kid that counts, it's the inside.
Ironicus
Oh no! My husband had his front two teeth knocked out as a kid and a few years ago had to have his implant redone which left him with a gaping hole front and center for about 6 months. He had a partial that he could use but for "fun" or to embarrass the hell out of me, he would take it out at family gatherings and of course at the annual Hog Wrestling redneck extravaganza.
Love the dueling banjos though!
Always fun on the farm!
Our school only closes for the first day, it's labeled as "Deer Day" on the calendar.
The boychild has declared that his coat is not warm enough, and his camo long johns are too small, so we get to do more shopping this weekend (I'm bringing my camera!).
I've threatened to post photos of his lost-tooth-smile, this only causes a bigger "I dare you" grin.
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